Pride Goes Down Easier With a Brownie Chaser

Blog brownie

Last night I got home after work and had one of those rare nights when you handle all the shit. With much assistance from your spouse if you’re lucky like I was last night.

I did the dishes. I mopped the floor. I made those brownies that had been staring at me from the just-add-butter-and-eggs box for months. I did yoga, and while in downward dog noticed dust bunnies under the couch which I promptly swept up. Then I went upstairs and read to a kid hubs had bathed, and foldedĀ my three baskets of clean laundry.

I was feeling like hell yeah, it feels good to knock shit out that needs to get done instead of putting it off. I planned to make a borderline sanctimommy post in the morning.

Then the morning arrived.

I put on my nice red power dress, still feeling myself from the night before.

My 3 year old saw me putting on the dress and remarked it looked like her Angry Birds towel.

Not yet knocked fully off my high horse, we prepared to head out the door for work and daycare. If only I could find my keys. They were NOWHERE to be found, and I needed to be at work in a hurry to do my weekly radio interview over the phone.

In the midst of my frantic search that included lots of begging my child to PLEASE step out of my way, I suddenly noticed the silence.

I looked up to find my daughter grimmacing in her favorite spot to poop in her Pull-up, behind the rocking chair. I didn’t have time for this literal shit.

With minutes to spare before my radio interview, I plopped her on the potty, emailed the d.j. to call my cell, and somehow found my keys in the mothereffing kitchen trash that was now in the big bin in the garage READY TO BE TAKEN AWAY FOREVER. Why were my keys in the trash? I. Don’t. Know. Maybe cuz life doesn’t like sanctimommies, even borderline ones.

The poop wasn’t happening after all that, so I threw her Pull-up back on (no time for clothes), and put her in front of True and the Rainbow Kingdom.

I huddled in the far corner of the living room to take the call. Mercifully, the cell reception held, and True worked her magic.

My daughter went to daycare a few minutes late, and I arrived at work in my red Angry Birds dress like “Come at me, bitches. You don’t know the morning I’ve had. I have keys in my purse, brownies on my counter and pride in my stomach I’ve been forced to swallow. Bring it.”

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A Microwave Mom’s Pumpkin Spice Cookie Tutorial

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These are what’s left of my cookies. Don’t worry. With some practice, you too can rise to my level of Pinterest expertise glory.

What would fall be without pumpkins?

And pumpkin spice, and pumpkin spice lattes, and pumpkin spice latte cookies and pumpkin spice latte cookie cheesecake?

Of course, someone has to tell you about the latest recipes for these seasonal delights, and who better than a mom blogger? We’re moms, after all. We’re domestic. Our kitchens are always sparking clean and smell of pumpkin bread. We have pumpkin spice running through our veins.

In the spirit of the season, I’d like to share with you some steps I recently took to craft some delectable pumpkin spice cookies for my family. From my home to yours.

  1. Swing by the grocery store because we’re out of sandwich bags and fruit. Happen by pre-sliced ready-to-bake cookie dough section. See the pumpkin spice cookies and think “How festive. My husband will love these. Maybe I can barter these in exchange for him Swiffering the floors. Or putting away his piles of laundry. It’s sad I have to bribe him to put away his own laundry, but anyway. These are festive.”
  2. After dinner that night, decide to plop the cookies in the oven out of the goodness of my heart while my husband watches Avengers: Age of Ultron. No bartering required. Because that’s the kind of loving, domestic wife I am.
  3. Use promise of cookie to bribe preschool son to put down his makeshift Tinkertoy weapon and take a bath.
  4. Carefully pull apart the cookies with my bare hands along the pre-sliced lines, and place them on the baking sheet.
  5. After 20 minutes, the cookies are ready. They smell fantastic. My husband decides that for the first time ever, he is too full for a cookie and not in the mood.
  6. My husband pauses his movie to put our son in bed, who has brushed his teeth and forgotten about the cookie.
  7. Sigh. Eat two cookies myself despite already having snacked on candy after dinner.
  8. Think oh, well. There’s always tomorrow to promise I’m going to walk it off and then lose track of time until it’s too late and I have to go get my son from preschool.

So, there you have it. A slice of my pumpkin spice life. From this mom blogger to your table.

Happy Halloween, everyone.